Jasmine Hart

Hi Kylan. I love this.Because of that, I probably won't be very helpful, but I'll try. Your imagery is fantastic.I especially love; "weathervanes pointing their black, accusatory fingers like viewers ...

Hi! Welcome to YWS. I hope you like it here.I'm Jas, and I can usually be found floating around the poetry forums. Feel free to PM me if you ever ...

Hi. I really enjoyed this. I especially liked; "thundering t.v mornings, pounding Black metal afternoons, at night screams?. The slamming of doors, the baying of hounds, Grinding it's way into ...

Hi Sou, Welcome to YWS! You have some great images here. I especially liked; "Oozing out of my core" and "mournful strain". I'd suggest getting rid of the rhyme, as ...

Hi. This progresses nicely and I like the idea of the mirror. I also think the play of the children contrasts well with the stillness of the speaker. My main ...

Hi. This flows well, and I love how the second halves of the sentences alter the first halves. I'd cut the section in italics, as I don't think you need ...

Seagulls are the real land rats. Pigeons are too gormless. There’s something pitiable in the way they constantly nod their heads-like they’re desperate to agree with everyone, desperate to please.

Hi Suzie. I'm Jas and I'll be your reviewer this evening. You stay within the constraints of the form very well. First, I'm going to look at what's on the ...

Hi. You have some good imagery here. I'd suggest reading this aloud, as it flows a little jerkily. Then you'll get a better sense of how the piece flows as ...

Hi Matt! You're right, this isn't my favourite of your pieces. I don't think that the string of emotions really does anything to you. Instead, maybe try something like describing ...

Hey Stella. I like the idea behind this, and the structure is very effective. The tone works really well, especially at the start of the poem. It also progresses nicely ...

Hi. This flows well and is fresh, and it ends effectively. My one small quibble is the word "fleeing." The rhyme here works well, but I think that it would ...

Hi. This flows well, and the isolation of the final line is effective. I think it might be interesting to expand on the various comparisons. I'd look more closely at ...

Hi. This flows well. I think that the second stanza is much stronger than the first. I really like; "Day disappears and as night creeps closer, We fall into a ...

Hi. You make some interesting associations with water here. My favourite is; "A mother’s grief; how she lost her child." In itself, I can't really see anything wrong with this, ...